2nd January 1826

Fog. 

Skillet reported that three men had already been knocked over by a waggon on the New Road and ‘it were slim odds whether a party could tell which pieces belonged to one or the other, so ’orribly was them poor fellows crushed and ’viscerated.’ I told Mama about this HORRIFIC HUMAN ASSORTMENT but she said I still had to go to school. I then asked what if I fell in the canal and DROWNED? She said that I had already proven that I float, which I do not consider a thoroughly maternal sentiment. 

Old Ballast, of course, was in his usual foul mood (I do not think he has any other moods) and greeted every returning pupil with a sharp smack across the head. I have only been three months at Dr Ballast’s Superior Academy for Respectable Young Gentlemen and already have a PERMANENT LUMP. This is why I still struggle at Latin and can never find a hat that fits. 

[note to self: ask Mama to examine scalp.]

In the afternoon, we had to conjugate the ‘future perfect.’ I am quite sure that I will have no need of it – for my future most certainly does not appear perfect (ha!). My own sister can boast that she attends the Royal Academy of Music. How many men of renown, upon the other hand, have issued forth from Dr Ballast’s Academy? How many have even take the first step upon the ladder to greatness? None, save for Gregwood Forsythe, whose natural father was a Baronet or Margrave or Mallard or something or another. That connection is how he obtained a post in His Majesty’s Minor Emoluments Office. 

In fact, I discussed our future prospects with Sykes when we walked back after school. He informed me, quite in earnest, that he has no great ambition, ‘except for perhaps learning billiards.’ (!) He is a very matter-of-fact sort of fellow but I did not reply or rebuke him, because, at that very moment, I saw something which immediately lifted my spirits. For there was a remarkably fine waistcoat, made of pure white silk, hanging inside the door of Oddenbury’s Second-hand Clothing Emporium (a queer little rat-hole of a place at the junction of the High Street). Moreover, upon inquiry, I learned that this GREAT ARTICLE can be had for only three-and-six!

I cannot afford it, even with all the contents of my penny pig – but I shall try and save up!!