1st February 1826

Three notes from importunate creditors have been delivered today by hand. Papa has not been seen all day and Mama is quietly fretting. 

10 o’clock p.m.

Papa finally returned home ‘with important news!’ – he has invested thirty pounds from his pension in the stock market! For he was persuaded by an acquaintance to attend a public meeting for the promotion of the General and North East London Elastic Ventilating Hat Company, under the direction of the Rt. Hon. Jermyn Smidgeon-Jones (‘the best and cleverest young fellow and, so I’m told, very well known on ’Change and thereabouts’). 

Pa then produced a copy of the prospectus for us to read:

The typical construction of that essential ornament to masculine dignity – the hat – has long been acknowledged to be in a most primitive and degraded condition. In particular, scant attention has been paid to the important matter of the practical and scientific ventilation of the crown, resulting in both overheating, the showing of grease, and mental abstraction. The numerous personal and public advantages which must arise, therefore, from a superior design accommodating a patented system of aeration (as fully delineated in former announcements) must be regarded as far inferior to the most important consideration of all in our great and crowded metropolis – “the preservation of the health of the nation” …

‘And so, you see, my dears,’ he said, tapping his head, ‘you might call it a capital investment!’

Mama turned a peculiar colour. (She does not realise, I think, that a fellow’s hat does get terribly hot and bothersome in the summer months). I said that I thought it was a thoroughly sound proposal; she nodded and even grew a little tearful. I expect my youthful perspicacity touched her deeply.